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A Savior That Can’t and A Savior That Can

On day when all my mind tells me is that I’m not good enough, that my value means nothing, that my life is worthless Jesus goes to the cross to tell me that none of that is true.  

I had a discussion with a wise friend of mine today.  I was suffering mentally.  There was a situation for someone that I wanted to fix and I didn’t know how.  Because I didn’t know how it was ripping me up inside.  And there it was, my savior complex.

My wife says it nicer.  She calls it my big heart.  I just want everything to go right for everyone.  I want it so badly that it turns into more than hope…it turns into action.  Sometimes my help is of a healthy nature and sometimes my help leads me down a path of trying to control every outcome of every scenario.  Then I begin inserting myself into equations that I shouldn’t be a part of to create the outcome that I desire.  I come in to save the day.  My savior complex.

It’s not a medical thing.  It’s not clinically diagnosed and it’s not something that most people would look at on first glance and see that it is unhealthy, but it is something I struggle with.  Today my heart hurt and I couldn’t do anything about the root of the issue.  I can’t insert myself into a situation to fix it.  I simply have to deal with my heart and my mind and my emotions about the issue at hand.

It told me the same lies that I’ve heard before.  The lies that revolve around in my brain and attack only when I am most susceptible to their whisperings.  Lies that tell me maybe I’m the actual problem, maybe I’m to blame, I’m a failure for not being able to do something, I’m not good enough anyway.

That wasn’t going so well at first because my inability to act begun to tell me lies.  It told me the same lies that I’ve heard before.  The lies that revolve around in my brain and attack only when I am most susceptible to their whisperings.  Lies that tell me maybe I’m the actual problem, maybe I’m to blame, I’m a failure for not being able to do something, I’m not good enough anyway.  These are lies that are so pervasive that they move far beyond the initial subject matter and start to work their way into my mind about everything else in my life.  My realities as a father, husband, son, brother, employee, friend, coworker, and on, and on, and on.

Darkness prevails.

What an interesting day to have this happen.

April 19, 2019.  Good Friday.

My savior complex is made most apparent on the day Jesus’ savior title is being brought to fruition.  On day when all my mind tells me is that I’m not good enough, that my value means nothing, that my life is worthless Jesus goes to the cross to tell me that none of that is true.

Today we remember the day almost 2,000 years ago when Jesus died because my failures are not worth the price of my life.  Neither are yours.  Neither is anyone’s.

My savior complex is fragile because it is built around my limited ability to control the outcome of every situation and is built upon my frail heart.  My savior complex drives me to dark places.  Jesus suffered, died, and was resurrected so that those dark places aren’t final destinations.

“The Light shines in the darkness, and darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5 

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